As disciples of Jesus, we've been called to follow him by claiming his example and learning from his teachings. From June to October, we're going to focus on the Gospel of Mark so that we might better understand how we might follow our Savior and live as his community.
Mark 10:2-16 [Contemporary English Version]
Some Pharisees wanted to test Jesus. So they came up to him and asked if it was right for a man to divorce his wife. Jesus asked them, “What does the Law of Moses say about that?”
They answered, “Moses allows a man to write out divorce papers and send his wife away.”
Jesus replied, “Moses gave you this law because you are so heartless. But in the beginning God made a man and a woman. That’s why a man leaves his father and mother and gets married. He becomes like one person with his wife. Then they are no longer two people, but one. And no one should separate a couple that God has joined together.”
When Jesus and his disciples were back in the house, they asked him about what he had said. He told them, “A man who divorces his wife and marries someone else is unfaithful to his wife. A woman who divorces her husband and marries again is also unfaithful.”
Some people brought their children to Jesus so that he could bless them by placing his hands on them. But his disciples told the people to stop bothering him.
When Jesus saw this, he became angry and said, “Let the children come to me! Don’t try to stop them. People who are like these little children belong to the kingdom of God. I promise you that you cannot get into God’s kingdom, unless you accept it the way a child does.” Then Jesus took the children in his arms and blessed them by placing his hands on them.
Divorce: Asking the Right Questions
Now, I find that interesting but I’ve got to tell you, not all that surprising, and I’ll tell you why. Although divorce seems to be a part of life now-a-days, most people still aren’t all that comfortable even talking about it. And in my opinion that may be more true of Christians than other folks. I mean, even though, in one way or another, it’s touched everyone here, the whole idea of divorce isn’t the easiest topic to talk about, unless that is, you’re on the extreme and are absolutely sure that all divorced people have bought themselves a one-way ticket to Hell.
But you know, even if you are on the fringe and it’s all cut and dry, it sure seems to get fuzzy when you’re talking about a son or a daughter, doesn’t it? I mean, when it hits close to home, it’s not so easy any more. I’m telling you, the same faith which offers us all kinds of comfort and support in so many areas, well, it kind of lets us down when it comes to married couples splitting up. And you know, for that reason, as we continue to talk about how we can be effective disciples in the world that we’ve got but not necessarily the one that we might want, this morning, we’re going to spend a little time talking about divorce and in particular, three questions that I think are answered in the passage that we just read, questions that just might help us understand this uncomfortable topic a little bit better.
And the second reason, well, just think about why people usually ask it. The answer is generally used either to justify themselves or to condemn others, sometimes both at the same time. I remember about forty years ago, a woman told me, with a great big smile on her face, that she had talked with her pastor and she was getting what she called a “Biblical Divorce.” Now that kind of surprised me, because she went to a church that was theological just to the right of Attila the Hun. But that’s what she said. And then she explained that, according to her pastor, the only biblical grounds for divorce was adultery; therefore, her divorce was going to be right in line with the Bible. Well, when she told me that, I was even more surprised. You see, I knew her husband and not only did he worship her, he was kind of a wimp. Man, I just couldn’t imagine him stepping out on her, and so I asked her point blank, “And so John committed adultery?” And I’ll tell you, I’ll remember her response for the rest of my life. With that same big, old smile, she said, “No, I did.” Now, I’m aware that’s an extreme example, but if I want to say that my sister’s divorce is OK but your divorce is wrong, twisting and misreading the Bible isn’t a bad place to start. And I’ll tell you, in my book, that’s why I don’t think the question, “what are the biblical grounds for divorce?” is all that helpful.
But you know, having said that, I do believe there are three questions which we should be asking, because they have good, solid Biblical answers that I think we can use right now. And I’ll tell you, I believe all three are answered in this passage from Mark.
And I’ll tell you, when we accept it, we’re going to do a whole lot more than looking for biblical grounds to dissolve it. My goodness, if we really buy what Jesus is selling here, we’re going to work as hard as we can to help people take marriage very seriously, and I’m talking about before we encourage them or guilt them or even bribe them into going up front of God and everybody and saying “I do.” I’ll tell you, there can be no shotguns or buckshot if we accept God’s vision for marriage. And I’ll tell you something else that’ll happen; I think we’ll also try to improve our own marriages as much as possible, whether that comes at a church-sponsored workshop or in counselor’s office or through a really good book or DVD that a couple can experience together. You see, that kind of stuff is going to happen when we answer, what is God’s intention for marriage. And to me, that’s the first question.
And I’ll tell you, this is reason we have divorce laws. You see, whether we like it or not, we’ll all sinners, and along with being arrogant and insensitive, we can also be self-centered and callous, jealous and bitter,and all those other characteristics we’ll never see in a Mother’s Day card. And that’s why we have divorce; as a matter of fact, that’s why we need divorce, because when you get right down to it: divorce is bad, but murder is worse. I mean, if we were perfect, we’d all get along; but we all know that’s not the case. No, God made divorce possible in his covenant community then and now, because they fell and we fall short of God’s ideal. In other words, human beings are kind of screwed up; and that’s why we have divorce.
But you know, there’s a third question that, in terms of our practical relationships with others, may be the most important of all. You see, in light of God’s intention and the reality of divorce, I think we all need to answer the question: How should we deal with divorce in our lives? And in particular, how should we handle divorce when it happens in our families and among our friends and especially within our church. And I’ll tell you, I think that’s where the story of the children comes in. Remember how, in our passage, the kids would come to Jesus? Well, before we get too soft and fuzzy about it, I think it’s important for us to recognize that in the first century, children weren’t seen as cute and cuddly little bundles of joy. That’s a twenty-first, not a first century perspective. No sir, they were viewed as economic drains to the family until they were old enough to walk behind a plow. And because of that, they were seen as almost non-people until they could pull their own weight, and since most died before they were ten... You see, in the first century, if you looked up the words “ignored” or “marginal,” you’d see a picture of a child. And in that world, the only thing more useless than a child was a sick child. They provided nothing to a family that might have been living on the edge. And yet, according to Mark, Jesus not only welcomed the children, he even accepted the ones who were sick, you know, the ones on whom he laid his hands. because remember, that’s what Jesus did to heal folks; he laid his hands on them. But that’s really no surprise, because over and over again, Jesus loved the ignored and the marginal. That’s why he ate and drank with sinners and tax collectors.
And I’ll tell you, that’s something we need to remember because often in the church, divorced folks can become just as ignored and marginal as those children. I mean, we may be the first in line to help a person get through sadness and death, but when it comes to the sadness that comes from a dead or dying marriage, at best, we often look the other way or at worse we stand in judgement. And I’ll tell you something else, there are still churches in which you could be a repentant ax murder and still serve as an officer or teach a class or work with children, but not if you’re divorced. For them, it truly is the unforgivable sin. But that’s not the way Jesus treated those who’ve been pushed to the edge, and neither should we. Instead, I think as brothers and sisters, we should put whatever stones we may be carrying away and work as hard we can to do what Jesus did: to share grace with the sinner and announce healing to the broken. And I’ll tell you, as we do that, as we identify with them and share the pain they feel, we may be doing exactly what Christ told his disciples to do. We’ll be receiving the Kingdom of God like a first century child, in other words, we’ll be receiving it just like a person who knows exactly how it feels to be ignored and marginal all because we answered the question, How should we deal with divorce in our lives? And that’s the third question.
Now don’t get me wrong, divorce will always be difficult and uncomfortable for all concerned. And I think most Christians will continue not to deal with divorce very well, hoping that by avoiding it, it’ll just go away. But you know, I think we can reach a better and more biblical understanding by thinking about what God intends for marriage and about why there’s divorce at all and about how we can deal with divorce in our lives. You see, when it comes to divorce, I think we can sure begin asking the right questions.
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