Sunday's Message - Keys to Healthy Relationships: Love

Depending on your experience, you may wonder if healthy relationships are even possible. There’s a lot of brokenness in the world; therefore, it’s easy to question whether good, solid, joy-filled relationships are even possible. But here’s the good news; Jesus Christ came to heal our relationships both with God and with one another. As the Apostle Paul wrote, 

Christ has made peace between Jews and Gentiles, and he has united us by breaking down the wall of hatred that separated us. Christ gave his own body to destroy the Law of Moses with all its rules and commands. He even brought Jews and Gentiles together as though we were only one person, when he united us in peace. [Ephesians 2:14-15, CEV] 

During this series, we’re exploring some of the Biblical keys to a healthy relationship. Over nine weeks, we'll discuss the following topics:

• January 5 - Love
• January 12 - Honesty
• January 19 - Humility
• January 26 - Communication
• February 2 - Patience
• February 9 - Acceptance
• February 16 - Affection
• February 23 - Forgiveness
• March 2 - Unity

On Sunday, January 5, we looked at love. Below is the podcast and text of the sermon. You can stream the service by going to the Sligo Presbyterian Church YouTube Channel on Sundays at 10:00 a.m. (EDT).  You can hear a podcast of the service at the Sligo Presbyterian Church YouTube Channel or the Sligo Presbyterian Spotify Page.

Well, now we’ve officially entered a new year. And let me ask you, have any of y’all made some kind of resolution for 2025? And it doesn’t matter whether it’s official or not. In other words, as we enter this brand new year, is there something that you’d like to change in your own lives, some kind of new action you’d like to take or maybe some kind of old mistake you’d like to avoid? Of course, I understand that it may be a little trite to make these kinds of changes at the beginning of January, and I’m talking about promises that really could be made any time during the year. But you know, when you think about it, what difference does it make? I mean, if we’re deciding to take some positive action, who cares when it’s made? It’s all for the good, right?

Well, I think so. And I’ll tell you, as we enter 2025, that’s why we’re going to talk about one of those areas in which we could all probably make some improvements, and I’m talking about the connections that we have with one another. You see, for the next nine weeks, we’re going to look at what I believe are some keys to healthy relationships. And during this time, we’ll consider things like the importance of honesty and humility, the value of communication and patience, the need for acceptance and affection, and of course, the power of forgiveness and unity. And hopefully, by the time we enter March and begin to psych ourselves for spring, our relationships with spouses and children, family and friends will be stronger. Good night nurse, we might even be able to see some folks whom, right at this moment, we might really not like very much, we might be able to see them as friends, at best, or non-enemies, at worst. 

And this morning, we’re going to start by talking about love, how love can make our relationships healthier. And you know, given something I noticed last week, I think that’s really appropriate. Let me explain. As some of y’all know, we lost power in Sligo on New Year’s Day. It gradually went off somewhere around 8:00 in the morning, and it stayed off until a little before 3:30 in the afternoon. Now, understand Debbie was visiting her mom in Indianapolis at the time and Maggie was with her boyfriend and his family in Weirton; therefore, when the lights dimmed, it was just Coco and me. And since I admit that I’m now dependent on both electric power and the internet, I had nothing to do or to watch. And even though the dogs are great listeners, they really don’t have much to say. And so, I decided to head up to Clarion to pick up a prescription I’d called in 2024 and to do a little grocery shopping, praying that power wasn’t off there too. PTL, it wasn’t. Unfortunately, the pharmacy didn’t open until 10:00 and it was about quarter after nine when I got there, and so I had to kill about forty-five minutes at Walmart, which was no big deal. I mean, at the time, WestPenn had sent out a text which said that power would be restored by 10:30. And so I kind of wandered aimlessly around. And even though I didn’t see anything all that exciting, I did find it interesting that, not only were they clearing space in what would be lawn and garden part of the store, in the place they had chocolate Santas and these reindeer antlers a week ago, there was now Valentine’s candy and cards. You see, according to Walmart, we’ve now made the move from trees to hearts, from red and green to red and pink, and from “we wish you a merry Christmas” to “happy Valentine’s Day.” I guess for one major American corporation, on January 1st, we’re entering the season of love. 

But I want to be straight with you. This morning, as we begin this series about the keys to healthy relationships, we’ll be talking about a different kind of love. You see, while Walmart was marketing something that’s romantic and emotional and idealistic, we’re going to focus on a kind of love that’s actually far more practical and intentional and controllable than anything you’d find printed on a piece of heart-shaped candy. You see, during the rest of our time together this morning, we’re going to focus on what I believe are the three characteristics of Christian love, you know, the kind of thing that was reflected in what Paul and John and Jesus taught. And to do that, we’ll look at some scripture and talk about what each characteristic means and then consider why this kind of love is important, if we’re really interested in stronger relationships.

For example, as I look at scripture, I believe Christian love is about having the right kind of attitude, in other words, having the sort of the mind set that will strengthen our marriages and our families and our friendships. You see, for me, that’s the first characteristic of love. And I’ll tell you, I think the Apostle Paul would agree about this attitude business. I mean, just listen to what he wrote to the Corinthians:

Love is patient and kind,

never jealous, boastful,

proud, or rude.

Love isn’t selfish

    or quick tempered.

It doesn’t keep a record

    of wrongs that others do.

Love rejoices in the truth,

    but not in evil.

Love is always supportive,

loyal, hopeful,

    and trusting.

Love never fails! [1 Corinthians 13:4-8, CEV]

Now that’s what Paul wrote, and just think about what it means. You see, the kind of love he had in mind doesn’t lead us to focus on ourselves but rather on others. It doesn’t prioritize what we’re feeling but rather, it’s intentionally sensitive to the folks around us. Simply put, it doesn’t insist on its own way but rather it puts the other guy first. Now, for Paul, that’s a loving attitude. And I’ll tell you why I think it can strengthen our relationships. You see, the more we focus on the emotional needs of our spouses and our parents, our children and our friends, the more empathy we’ll be able to feel, in other words, the more we’ll be able to share in their joy when they’re happy and to offer sympathy when times are more challenging. But even more than that, we’ll be able to express our genuine concern in ways that are meaningful to them, not just to us. And I’ll tell you, that’s why I believe, if we want stronger relationships, Christian love is about having the right attitude, in my opinion, it’s first characteristic.

And second, I think it’s also about taking the right actions. I mean, if attitude is about the inside, our actions are all about the outside, you know, what we choose to do and how we choose to do it. I guess you could say, it’s that external expression of our internal thoughts and feelings. And I’ll tell you, I think this active kind of love was exactly what John was getting at when he wrote this:

If you hate each other, you are murderers, and we know murderers do not have eternal life. We know what love is because Jesus gave his life for us. This is why we must give our lives for each other. If we have all we need and see one of our own people in need, we must have pity on that person, or else we cannot say we love God. Children, you show love for others by truly helping them, and not merely by talking about it. [1 John 3:15-18, CEV]

Now that’s what John wrote, and frankly, I think it’s important for us to hear. You see, sometimes we seem to assume that our intentions are the same as our actions. I mean, we seem to believe that our words can generally be a substitute for real and concrete work. And we seem to think that, if we can just get our feelings and our emotions and our attitude right, that will be enough. My gosh, we’ll even say, “It’s the thought that counts.” Now that’s what we’ve been taught. And so long as we make these assumptions and have these beliefs and entertain these thoughts, Hallelujah, happy days are here again, even if a friend or family member might actually need some tangible help we’ve done our duty by saying something like, “You’re in my thoughts and prayers.” “Praise the Lord.” Now before I say anything else, let me be clear. I have no problem with good intentions. And there are times when a kind word can make a huge difference. And I just talked about how Christian love is about having the right attitude. And please believe me, I think prayer has genuine power. Still, when I decide that my love for Debbie and for Maggie and for y’all is going to be active, not just positive thoughts but real action all of a sudden, it changes. Man, it becomes visible. It doesn’t need to be assumed or explained, because it can be seen. It can be seen by my willingness to give something I wouldn’t ordinarily give and to do something I wouldn’t ordinarily do. It also means that, before I get it in my head that I’m really a loving and compassionate kind of guy, it’s really important for me to determine what you or what they may actually want and need. In other words, I need to know what should be done before I decide what I’m going to do. And if my assumptions are wrong, man, y’all can tell me, and I’ll listen. I guess you could say that an active kind of love erases ambiguity, because, in my opinion, Christian love is about taking the right actions. And for me, that’s its second characteristic.

And third, I also believe it’s about making the right decisions. And I’ll tell you, I really think this is where the rubber hits the road. You see, whether you’re talking about having the right attitude or taking the right actions, man, it all comes down to a decision, doesn’t it? I mean, it doesn’t just happen. Instead it’s up to me; it’s up to us to make it happen, to make Christian love happen. And you know, I think Jesus knew it. I mean, there were all kinds of times during his ministry when Jesus told his followers to love others, you know, to love one another and to love your neighbor like you love yourself. And I’ll tell you, I could have used any of them to show that this kind of love always comes down to some decision. But I decided to offer a passage in which, I believe, Jesus offered them and offers us something a whole lot more challenging, showing just how important it is for us to decide that we’re going to be loving people. Just listen to what Jesus taught his disciples right there in the Sermon on the Mount:

You have heard people say, “Love your neighbors and hate your enemies.” But I tell you to love your enemies and pray for anyone who mistreats you. Then you will be acting like your Father in heaven. He makes the sun rise on both good and bad people. And he sends rain for the ones who do right and for the ones who do wrong. If you love only those people who love you, will God reward you for this? Even tax collectors love their friends. If you greet only your friends, what’s so great about this? Don’t even unbelievers do that? But you must always act like your Father in heaven. [Matthew 5:43-48, CEV]

Now that’s what Jesus taught. And I think it’s really important for us to hear. You see, the kind of love he had in mind has a whole lot more to do with intention than emotion. It’s about our will rather than our heart. In other words, it shouldn’t be based on how I feel: how I feel about my neighbor or how I feel about my boss or how I feel about my teacher. And it sure shouldn’t be reserved for those whom I know will love me back. That’s not Christian love. In reality, Jesus Christ expects us to love those whom we may not like, because we can decide to approach them with the right attitude and we can decide to take the right action to address their needs. In other words, we can make the decision to show love to everyone, even our enemies. That’s for us to decide. You see, if my wife says something that hurts me, whether intentional or not, or if my friend does something that I find disappointing or if my neighbor really ticks me off for whatever reason, I can chose to respond in a loving way, demonstrating that my connection, my relationship with them and with God is more important than anything they might have said or done. I’m telling you, Christian love is about making the right decision. And in my opinion, that’s its third characteristic. 

And starting today, that’s something we can choose to do. You see, right here and now, we can recognize that love involves having the right attitude and taking the right actions and making the right decisions. In other words, in spite of what Walmart says, we can recognize that even though candy hearts and red and pink cards are nice, this is what Christian love is all about. 

Of course, having said that, personally, I think it might be a bad idea to make showing this kind of love a New Year’s resolution, and I’ll tell you why. Last week, when I was waiting for the power to come back on, I read that the second Friday in January is often referred to as Quitter’s Day. You see, that’s the day many people abandon the resolutions they made a little over a week ago. And since it’s the first key to a healthy relationship, personally, I think Christian love is just too important to abandon.