Sunday's Message - Keys to Healthy Relationships: Humility

Depending on your experience, you may wonder if healthy relationships are even possible. There’s a lot of brokenness in the world; therefore, it’s easy to question whether good, solid, joy-filled relationships are even possible. But here’s the good news; Jesus Christ came to heal our relationships both with God and with one another. As the Apostle Paul wrote, 

Christ has made peace between Jews and Gentiles, and he has united us by breaking down the wall of hatred that separated us. Christ gave his own body to destroy the Law of Moses with all its rules and commands. He even brought Jews and Gentiles together as though we were only one person, when he united us in peace. [Ephesians 2:14-15, CEV] 

During this series, we’re exploring some of the Biblical keys to a healthy relationship. Over nine weeks, we'll discuss the following topics:

• January 5 - Love
• January 12 - Honesty
• January 19 - Humility
• January 26 - Communication
• February 2 - Patience
• February 9 - Acceptance
• February 16 - Affection
• February 23 - Forgiveness
• March 2 - Unity

On Sunday, January 19, we looked at humility. Below is the podcast and text of the sermon. You can stream the service by going to the Sligo Presbyterian Church YouTube Channel on Sundays at 10:00 a.m. (EDT).  You can hear a podcast of the service at the Sligo Presbyterian Church YouTube Channel or the Sligo Presbyterian Spotify Page.

Now I hope everybody is ready for Tuesday. As somebody reminded me just a couple of days ago, it’ll be “Montana cold.” Of course, you’ve got to understand that a person from Montana or North Dakota would feel a sense of pride to hear that, because, as we used to say when I lived out there, it’s the cold that keeps out the riff raff. But be-that-as-it-may, I hope everyone is prepared for temperatures around ten below.

Of course, since, given all that, this would seem to be a good time to have someone with whom you might snuggle, personally, I think this series on the Keys to Healthy Relationships just might come in handy in the next few days. Of course, we’re only on our third message. I mean, we’ve already talked about the benefits of developing an atmosphere of love and honesty. And this morning, we’re going to move forward by looking at something else that just might put a little spark into our relationships, and now I’m talking about humility.

But you know, sort of like I said about honesty last week, I’m not sure humility is viewed as a virtue anymore. In fact, I believe a lot of folks seem to share the view held by the character Mordred in the musical Camelot:

I find humility means to be hurt

It’s not the earth the meek inherit, 

it’s the dirt [from The Seven Deadly Virtues]

As my daughter might say, modesty and humility just aren’t lit anymore.

But I think we all know that didn’t used to be the case. I remember, back when I was a kid in the late ‘60s, my dad and I would watch Mid-Atlantic Championship Wrestling every Saturday afternoon, somewhere around 5:00. And I’ll tell you, back then, you could always separate the heroes from the heels by what they said between matches. I mean, on one hand, you had men like Paul Jones and Johnny Weaver who would be humble and modest on air, politely listening to the questions and generally giving credit to the fans for their success. Those were the heroes. On the other hand, though, you had the heels, guys like Rip Hawk and Swede Hanson and of course, the Anderson Brothers who would always grab the mike from Bob Caudle so they could boast and brag about how great they were. Man, they were no good. Now, back in the day, that’s how you knew who to cheer for and who to root against. But now, it’s as though humility is viewed as a weakness and we almost expect the men and women whom we consider successful to let us know just how great and successful they are. I mean, everybody now-a-day seems to have their own end zone dance, don’t they? I guess that’s just the way it is. And even though it may not be a big deal in many aspects of life, personally, I’d rather not snuggle up with folks who not only know that they’re better than me, but who want me to know it too. Let’s just say, pride and arrogance can be a problem in most relationships.

And that’s why we’re going to talk about humility this morning. And as we did last week, we’ll answer three questions: First, what does the Bible say about humility? And then, second, why is humility important for healthy relationships? And then, third, how might we become more humble in our relationships? And remember, this may be really important, if, on Tuesday, the temperature really does break ten below.

Of course, as I’ve said before, we can’t really talk about the “how” until we’ve nailed down the “what”: what does the Bible say about humility? In other words, what does it mean to be modest and meek and unassuming? Now that’s the question. And I’ll tell you, as I look at scripture, I think humility really has more to do with what’s in here than what’s out there. You see, I think it has to do with our attitude, our willingness to show respect to others and our desire to put the needs of those around us before our own. I mean, it’s really not about thinking less of yourself, but rather thinking about yourself less and frankly being secure enough that you don’t feel the need to convince others that you’re the greatest thing since sliced bread by bragging and boasting. I’ll tell you, it’s like Barry Sanders scoring a touchdown and simply handing the ball to the official. Now, in my opinion, according to the Bible, that’s what humility is all about.

And even though there are some very humble men and women in scripture, you know, people like Job and Ruth and Mary, I think the very best example was Jesus Christ himself. And I believe that this was something that the Apostle Paul also thought and that’s why he wrote this to the Philippians:

Christ encourages you, and his love comforts you. God’s Spirit unites you, and you are concerned for others. Now make me completely happy! Live in harmony by showing love for each other. Be united in what you think, as if you were only one person. Don’t be jealous or proud, but be humble and consider others more important than yourselves. Care about them as much as you care about yourselves and think the same way that Christ Jesus thought:

Christ was truly God.

But he did not try to remain 

    equal with God.

Instead he gave up everything 

    and became a slave,

when he became

    like one of us.

Christ was humble.

He obeyed God and even died

    on a cross.

Then God gave Christ

    the highest place

and honored his name

    above all others.

So at the name of Jesus

    everyone will bow down,

those in heaven, on earth,

    and under the earth.

And to the glory

    of God the Father

everyone will openly agree,

    “Jesus Christ is Lord!” [Philippians 2:1-11, CEV]

Now, in my opinion, if we want to know what it means to be humble, I’m not sure there’s a better example than Jesus Christ. In a real sense, he personifies what humility is. 

And why is humility important? I mean, why is being humble important for healthy relationships? Well, again as I look at scripture, I think there are three pretty clear reasons.

For example, first I think it enables us to praise God. You see, it moves us to recognize his greatness and his glory, his mercy and his compassion and to shift our focus from our own accomplishments. I guess you could say, it allows us to accept our own limitations, our own weaknesses, my gosh, our own sins, knowing that in spite of where we’ve been or what we’ve done, God’s grace is even greater. And I’ll tell you, when that’s our mind set, when we no longer feel the need to cover up who we are with a lot of boasting and bragging, my gosh, when we’re no longer afraid to have light shine on those places within us that we’d rather keep in the dark, because we trust that “nothing in all creation can separate us from God’s love for us in Christ Jesus our Lord!” [Romans 8:39b, CEV], you know, when this is our attitude, now we’re ready for genuine worship and praise. As a matter of fact, we might even be ready to understand and to apply these words from the letter of James:

In fact, God treats us with even greater kindness, just as the Scriptures say,

“God opposes everyone

    who is proud,

but he blesses all who are humble

    with undeserved grace.”

Surrender to God! Resist the devil, and he will run from you. Come near to God, and he will come near to you. Clean up your lives, you sinners. Purify your hearts, you people who can’t make up your mind. Be sad and sorry and weep. Stop laughing and start crying. Be gloomy instead of glad. Be humble in the Lord’s presence, and he will honor you. [James 4:6-10, CEV]

You see, first, I think humility enables us to praise God.

And second, I believe it also enables us to understand ourselves. I mean, let’s get real; only truly humble people can openly and honestly acknowledge and accept their strengths and weaknesses. But more than that, humility offers us the freedom to identify all those areas where we might need to grow a little bit and the confidence to accept ideas and suggestions that just might make us better than we are right now. Of course, none of that’s possible for the arrogant and proud, and I’m talking about those who must maintain an inflated sense of their own self-importance. It’s like the person who says, “I have no trouble admitting when I’m wrong. It’s just that I’ve never been wrong.” Now you tell me, how is that person ever going to learn and how is that person ever going to grow and how is that person ever going to be more than he is right now? Man, growth is only possible when we’re no longer at the center of the universe. And I’ll tell you, maybe that’s why the writer of the Proverbs said this:

It’s much better to be wise

and sensible

    than to be rich.

God’s people avoid evil ways,

and they protect themselves

    by watching where they go.

Too much pride

    will destroy you.

You are better off

    to be humble and poor

than to get rich

    from what you take by force. [Proverbs 16:16-19, CEV]

You see, second, I think humility enables us to understand ourselves, something that’s important in any healthy relationship.

And then, third, I believe it enables us to work together and I’m talking about productively working with those around us. You see, whether you’re talking about a marriage or a friendship, a community or a congregation, humility gives us the freedom to appreciate the abilities of others, especially those that are different and greater than our own. In fact, we can actually start to listen openly to what they have to say without our fragile egos feeling threatened. And I’ll tell you, we can finally lay to rest that “it’s going to be my way or the highway” nonsense and begin to prioritize the common good over our personal pride. All of a sudden, what you need can be more important than what I want. And when that happens, finally we’ll be able to work together in an environment in which everyone feels respected and everyone feels appreciated and everyone feels heard. In fact, I think these words Paul wrote to the Romans will become a whole lot more meaningful:

I realize God has treated me with undeserved grace, and so I tell each of you not to think you are better than you really are. Use good sense and measure yourself by the amount of faith that God has given you. A body is made up of many parts, and each of them has its own use. That’s how it is with us. There are many of us, but we each are part of the body of Christ, as well as part of one another.

God has also given each of us different gifts to use. If we can prophesy, we should do it according to the amount of faith we have. If we can serve others, we should serve. If we can teach, we should teach. If we can encourage others, we should encourage them. If we can give, we should be generous. If we are leaders, we should do our best. If we are good to others, we should do it cheerfully. [Romans 12:3-8, CEV]

I’m telling you, third, I think humility enables us to work together within strong and stable relationships.

And so now, having said that, how can we do it? I mean, given that we know what it is and why it’s important, how might we become more humble in our relationships? And like I’ve said before, even though there are all kinds of suggestions out there about how this might be done, in my opinion, it all starts with three decisions that we can make right this minute. And I’ll tell you, I’m going to be brief, because we’ve already talked a little bit about all three before. 

For example, we can make the decision to accept our own limitations. In other words, we can accept the fact that, regardless of what we might want to believe, we are not the center of the universe and we are not God’s special gift to humanity or to family or to friends and we are not omnipotent or omniscient or omnipresent. That job belongs to God, not us. It’s sort of like Debbie reminds me when I’m really full of myself: Ed, you’re not nearly as funny as you think you are. You see, we can decide to accept our limitations. That’s one.

And we can decide to celebrate the talents of others. I mean, let’s get real, no matter what we do, there will always be someone in God’s creation who can do it better. And you know what, that’s not just OK; man, that’s wonderful. I mean, imagine my joy, knowing that I don’t have to break another toilet or ever seal a leaky turtle tank. Frankly, it’s a load off my mind just knowing that I don’t have all the answers, but praise the Lord, someone else just might. You see, we can celebrate the talents of others. And that’s two.

And finally, and remember I told you it would be brief, we can make the intentional decision to grow in our understanding, you know, so we might become more than we are and move closer to the persons God created us to be. In other words, I’m not going to allow my arrogance and pride to leave me ignorant and frustrated and scared. Instead, I’m going to open my eyes so that I can see. And I’m going to open my mind so that I can learn. And I’m going to open my heart so that I can feel. And I’m going to open my hands so that I can serve. You see, along with accepting and celebrating, we can grow in our understanding. And in my opinion, that’s how we can become more humble.

Now, if the forecasters are right, it’s going to be frigid on Tuesday and Wednesday. And you know what, there’s nothing we can do about it. When it comes to the weather, we have every reason to be humble. But you know, for the sake of our families and friendships, our community and congregation, maybe we should expand that modest and meek and unassuming attitude to other aspects of our lives. Because, let’s get real, the more humble we become, the more we’ll be able to praise God and to understand ourselves and to work together. And I’ll tell you, just knowing that might motivate us to accept our limitations and to celebrate the talents of others and to grow in our understanding. In other words, since it would sure seem to be one of those keys to healthy relationships, let’s make humility lit again.