Sunday's Message - Keys to Healthy Relationships: Acceptance

Depending on your experience, you may wonder if healthy relationships are even possible. There’s a lot of brokenness in the world; therefore, it’s easy to question whether good, solid, joy-filled relationships are even possible. But here’s the good news; Jesus Christ came to heal our relationships both with God and with one another. As the Apostle Paul wrote, 

Christ has made peace between Jews and Gentiles, and he has united us by breaking down the wall of hatred that separated us. Christ gave his own body to destroy the Law of Moses with all its rules and commands. He even brought Jews and Gentiles together as though we were only one person, when he united us in peace. [Ephesians 2:14-15, CEV] 

During this series, we’re exploring some of the Biblical keys to a healthy relationship. Over nine weeks, we'll discuss the following topics:

• January 5 - Love
• January 12 - Honesty
• January 19 - Humility
• January 26 - Communication
• February 2 - Patience
• February 9 - Acceptance
• February 16 - Affection
• February 23 - Forgiveness
• March 2 - Unity

On Sunday, February 9, we looked at acceptance. Below is the podcast and text of the sermon. You can stream the service by going to the Sligo Presbyterian Church YouTube Channel on Sundays at 10:00 a.m. (EDT).  You can hear a podcast of the service at the Sligo Presbyterian Church YouTube Channel or the Sligo Presbyterian Spotify Page.

Now, as I think most of y’all know, over the last month and a half, we’ve been talking about the Keys to Healthy Relationships. And for y’all who’ve either been here in person or streamed the services or maybe listened to them later on Facebook or YouTube or even Spotify, you probably know that we’ve already looked at love and honesty, humility and communication, and last week, we focused on patience. Now that’s what we’re covered to date. And since this whole series has been about relationships, I think I’d be remiss if I didn’t mention that the grand-daddy of relationship events is almost here, and I’m not talking about the Super Bowl. Valentine’s Day is on Friday. And gentlemen, since I’m a romantic kind of guy who would never say that my wife is not nearly as big as those women on TV...again, I have the perfect Valentine’s Day gift for you. Instead of getting her the same old card or the same old candy or the same old flowers, I’m going to make available to you, free of charge, something that will result in a huge deposit in your personal account at the Love Bank. If you let me know this morning, I will make available to you a bound copy of the first six messages in this sermon series. I know that’s what I’m giving Debbie, but don’t tell her; it’s going to be a surprise.

Now, having said that, let me assure you, I am not an idiot; I recognize that, if you got your wife this informative gift, there’s a better than even chance that she won’t accept it, which just happens to be our sixth key to healthy relationships: acceptance. Of course, I also recognize that in most relationship situations, real acceptance is pretty challenging even in the best of times. Let me explain. I think we all have a tendency to fix our minds on what we want in other people, you know, the stuff they should say and do that will make us feel comfortable, opinions that are expected and interests that sort of mesh with our own. That’s what we want. But since we’re dealing with different people, who grew up in different places, at different times, with different values, generally that just doesn’t happen naturally. And so, instead of just accepting them for who they are and maybe even learning from those differences, often we try to pretend that the differences aren’t there at all. Or we work to reshape those people into our own little Minnie Mes. Or maybe we simply walk away, because let’s get real, accepting what we don’t like is really hard, isn’t it? Of course, I don’t think it should come as any surprise that, regardless of whether we’re denying or renovating or abandoning, our relationships with those people have got to suffer, especially if they’re doing the same thing to us.

And that’s why we’re going to spend a little time this morning talking about acceptance. And as we’ve done before, we’re going to answer three questions. First, what does the Bible say about acceptance? And then, second, why is acceptance important in our relationships? And then, third, how might we become more accepting in our own personal lives? Now that’s the plan.

But of course, before we can talk about how we can do it, I think it’s important to be on the same page about what it is. And so, what does the Bible say about acceptance? Now that’s the question, and I’ll tell you, I think we can divide the answer into two parts.

For example, as I read scripture, I think it’s pretty clear that acceptance is something God has shown to us. In other words, for reasons that we may never fully understand, God decided to love us before he laid the foundation of the universe. And without our help or permission, he entered our time and space as Jesus Christ whose life gives us an example of how we might live and whose death set us free from aspects of our past that can be like an anchor and whose resurrection reminds us that the day is coming when our lives will truly be eternal. You see, with all our faults and flaws, with all our weaknesses and warts, with all our questions and doubt, God has accepted us as his people. And I’ll tell you, I think that was exactly what Peter was getting at when he wrote this in his first letter:

But you are God’s chosen and special people. You are a group of royal priests and a holy nation. God has brought you out of darkness into his marvelous light. Now you must tell all the wonderful things he has done. The Scriptures say,

“Once you were nobody.

    Now you are God’s people.

At one time no one

    had mercy on you.

Now God has treated you

    with kindness.” [1 Peter 2:9-10, CEV]

You see, whether we like it or not, God has accepted us. And that’s why we’ve been led here this morning.

And you know, because of that, because of his acceptance of us, I believe acceptance is what God wants us to show others, and I’m talking about with all their faults and with all their weaknesses and with all their questions. In other words, God doesn’t want us to deny the differences. And he doesn’t want us to renovate their personalities. And he sure doesn’t want us to abandon them to their fate. Although that would be really easy and comfortable, I don’t believe that’s what God wants us to do. Instead, I think he wants us to accept them with the same love and with the same patience and the same compassion that he has shown to us. Now, I understand that, sometimes, their behavior makes that virtually impossible to do. And I certainly don’t believe that acceptance demands that we enable destructive behavior. As a matter of fact, genuine acceptance can be really hard and uncomfortable and almost unnatural, not unlike what Paul challenged the Romans to do when he wrote this: 

Honor God by accepting each other, as Christ has accepted you. I tell you that Christ came as a servant of the Jews to show that God has kept the promises he made to their famous ancestors. Christ also came, so that the Gentiles would praise God for being kind to them. It is just as the Scriptures say,

“I will tell the nations

    about you,

and I will sing praises

    to your name.”

The Scriptures also say to the Gentiles, “Come and celebrate with God’s people.” [Romans 15:7-10, CEV]

I’ll tell you, if Paul expected the Jews and the Gentiles, the oil and vinegar of the ancient world, if he said that they could accept one another in the ancient city of Rome, then I think we can all do the same thing as we gather here in the not so ancient city of Sligo, Pennsylvania. You see, in my opinion, according to the Bible, that’s what acceptance is all about.

And as to why it’s important in our relationships, well, I think you can also break that down into two parts. For example, I believe it broadens our appreciation of others. Let me explain. Whether you’re talking about spouses or children, family or friends, communities or congregations, the more accepting we become of our differences, the more we’re going to appreciate those unique talents and abilities that God has given to those around us, and I’m talking about talents that I might not have myself and abilities that I might desperately need. In a sense, it’s a little like what the Joker said to Batman in the movie, The Dark Knight, and I’m thinking about the scene in the police station when the Joker looks at the Caped Crusader and says, “You complete me.” You see, if we refuse to accept all those gifts that God has given the other person or persons in our lives, I mean, if we deny that those differences are real or if we try to make everyone like us or, worst of all, if we send them packing because what makes them special also makes us uncomfortable, I’m telling you, if we choose to that kind of thing, we only have ourselves to blame when our marriages and our families and our communities become incomplete and unstable. But you know, when we’re able to accept those differences, when we’re able to accept those unique qualities, in other words, when we’re able to accept those around us as God has accepted us, then I believe that what Paul wrote to the Corinthians will make a lot of sense.

There are different kinds of spiritual gifts, but they all come from the same Spirit. There are different ways to serve the same Lord, and we can each do different things. Yet the same God works in all of us and helps us in everything we do. [1 Corinthians 12:4-6, CEV]

You see, on one hand, our ability to accept others broadens our appreciation of them.

But, on the other hand, I also think it also deepens our understanding of ourselves. Put another way, our willingness to look beyond what’s comfortable and to accept differences, man, I believe that enables us to claim what God has given uniquely to us. And that just makes sense. I mean, as soon as we’re no longer expecting everyone to be like us, then maybe, all of sudden, we just might feel the freedom to be something different from what we’ve always been. In other words, maybe we’ll be able to explore ideas we’ve been afraid to consider. And maybe we’ll be able to claim talents we’ve been afraid to develop. And maybe we’ll be able to become the kind of men and women we’ve been afraid to be. I mean, just like it enabled us to understand that we’re all incomplete unless those in our relationships are doing what God has equipped them to do, acceptance just might help us see beyond those comfortable boxes we’ve created for ourselves, and I’m talking about the same kind of realization about which James wrote in his letter:

Don’t be fooled, my dear friends. Every good and perfect gift comes down from the Father who created all the lights in the heavens. He is always the same and never makes dark shadows by changing. He wanted us to be his own special people, and so he sent the true message to give us new birth. [James 1:16-17, CEV]

You see, acceptance can broaden our appreciation of others and deepen our understanding of ourselves, and for me, that’s why it’s important in our relationships.

And finally, how can we do it? How might we become more accepting of others and even of ourselves? In other words, within all our relationships, how can we become everything we were created to be? How can we become more accepting? Now that’s the question. And I’ll tell you, personally, I think it’s all about making three decisions that I believe can change everything. 

For example, first, we can decide to become more humble, and I’m talking about being more humble in our expectations of others and more humble in our assumptions about ourselves. Of course, since we just focused on humility a couple of weeks ago, we’ve already talked about how humility comes when we intentionally accept our own limitations and celebrate the talents of others and grow in our own understanding. But I’ll tell you, I think humility still comes down to a decision, a decision to stop talking and to start listening, a decision to accept that we may not always be as smart or as talented or as right as we think we are, a decision not to think less of ourselves, but rather to think about ourselves less. As a matter of fact, it’s claiming the kind of attitude Jesus challenged the people to have when he taught them this:

Can one blind person lead another blind person? Won’t they both fall into a ditch? Are students better than their teacher? But when they are fully trained, they will be like their teacher.

You can see the speck in your friend’s eye, but you don’t notice the log in your own eye. How can you say, “My friend, let me take the speck out of your eye,” when you don’t see the log in your own eye? You show-offs! First, get the log out of your own eye; then you can see how to take the speck out of your friend’s eye. [Luke 6:39b-42, CEV]

If we want to be more accepting, I think we might need to be a little more humble. Now that’s one.

And second, I think we can also decide to be more open. You see, it’s really, and I mean really easy to focus on ourselves, you know, on what we think and on what we like and on what we want. And so long as our spouse or our kids or the members of our communities and congregations think and like and want the same as us, well, everything is frozen peaches and cream, right? But if they don’t, well, that’s when we often crank up the denial and we try to do a few renovations and if that doesn’t work, we subtly encourage them to find some other person or place where they’ll be more comfortable. Of course, the great irony is that we’re often confused when they finally go. Lord help us all. But you know, that doesn’t have to happen, not if we decide to be a little more open to the possibilities and to the opportunities, even if they make us uncomfortable. And I’ll tell you, when we do, I think we’ll be able to accomplish in all our relationships the same sort of thing Paul challenged the Roman Christians to do in their church:

Welcome all the Lord’s followers, even those whose faith is weak. Don’t criticize them for having beliefs that are different from yours. Some think it is all right to eat anything, while those whose faith is weak will eat only vegetables. But you should not criticize others for eating or for not eating. After all, God welcomes everyone. What right do you have to criticize someone else’s servants? Only their Lord can decide if they are doing right, and the Lord will make sure that they do right. [Romans 14:1-4, CEV]

You see, if we want to be more accepting, I think we can intentionally be more open. And that’s two.

And third, we can also decide to become more forgiving. I’ll tell you, over the years, I’ve worked with a lot of couples. Of course, when they come to me, generally they have some issue that’s pulling them apart, maybe some hurt that’s unresolved or some betrayal that’s taken on a life of its own. Now sometimes these issues are huge, you know, like marital infidelity or financial misappropriation, spending money that you don’t have, while at other times these issues seem almost insignificant. But you know, it’s amazing, from my experience, it’s really not the size or importance of the issue that determines whether the marriage continues. It’s whether or not forgiveness is possible. I mean, when it is, then they can begin the process of reconciliation and healing. But if it’s not, there’s just not much left on which to build. I’ll tell you, I’m not sure acceptance is possible without the willingness to forgive. You know, it’s like Paul wrote to Colossians:

God loves you and has chosen you as his own special people. So be gentle, kind, humble, meek, and patient. Put up with each other, and forgive anyone who does you wrong, just as Christ has forgiven you. Love is more important than anything else. It is what ties everything completely together. [Colossians 3:12-14, CEV]

You know, along with being more humble and open, if we’re serious about being more accepting, I think we really need to be more forgiving. And that’s three.

And you know, that just might be something to keep in mind as we enter this week before Valentine’s Day. I mean, even though cards and candy and flowers are great, and I’m telling you, that bound copy of six sermons, well, maybe that’s not such a good idea, but be that as it may, even though all the stuff that fills two aisles at Walmart right now is wonderful, maybe we can do something else to strengthen all our relationships this next week. I mean, since God has accepted us, maybe we can be a little more accepting of those around us. You see, because we know that acceptance broadens our appreciation of others and deepens our understanding of ourselves, maybe it would be worth the time and effort to become a little more humble and a little more open and a little more forgiving in the next five days. And I’ll tell you, I think that just makes a lot of sense, at least it does to me, because, when you get right down to it, I believe acceptance is another key to healthy relationships.