Sunday's Message - Keys to Healthy Relationships: Patience

Depending on your experience, you may wonder if healthy relationships are even possible. There’s a lot of brokenness in the world; therefore, it’s easy to question whether good, solid, joy-filled relationships are even possible. But here’s the good news; Jesus Christ came to heal our relationships both with God and with one another. As the Apostle Paul wrote, 

Christ has made peace between Jews and Gentiles, and he has united us by breaking down the wall of hatred that separated us. Christ gave his own body to destroy the Law of Moses with all its rules and commands. He even brought Jews and Gentiles together as though we were only one person, when he united us in peace. [Ephesians 2:14-15, CEV] 

During this series, we’re exploring some of the Biblical keys to a healthy relationship. Over nine weeks, we'll discuss the following topics:

• January 5 - Love
• January 12 - Honesty
• January 19 - Humility
• January 26 - Communication
• February 2 - Patience
• February 9 - Acceptance
• February 16 - Affection
• February 23 - Forgiveness
• March 2 - Unity

On Sunday, February 2, we looked at patience. Below is the podcast and text of the sermon. You can stream the service by going to the Sligo Presbyterian Church YouTube Channel on Sundays at 10:00 a.m. (EDT).  You can hear a podcast of the service at the Sligo Presbyterian Church YouTube Channel or the Sligo Presbyterian Spotify Page.

Well, this morning we’re entering a brand new month, which means almost ten percent of this year is already in the books. And it also means that right now, we have only 46 days before the beginning of Spring and 138 days before the beginning of Summer and of course, 326 days before Christmas. And since I saw on my phone this morning that they’re calling for temperatures in the 50s tomorrow, I think I’m safe in saying the worst of winter is clearly behind us, right? But be-that-as-it-may, it sure seems to me that 2025 is sort of flying by.

And I’ll tell you, so is our series on the Keys to Healthy Relationships. I mean, we’re already on the fifth message, which means we’ve talked about love and we’ve talked about honesty and we’ve talked about humility and last week, we talked about communication. And now, this morning, we’re going to focus on patience, something that we all do remarkably well, right? Of course, if we’re honest about it, I think we know that’s not really true. I mean, speaking for myself, I think I’m a lot like the guy who prays, “Lord, give me patience. And I want it right now.” I mean, let’s get real, it’s pretty hard to wait, even for patience. 

And you know, I think we also see that in the Bible. For example, what person is usually held up as the poster boy for patience; Job, right? I mean, I’ve heard plenty of people talk about the patience of Job. But you know, it’s kind of interesting, when we read the book, well, Job isn’t as patient as we’d like him to be. I mean, he gets really frustrated by this suffering that he knows he doesn’t deserve. And that frustration causes him openly to question God and to whine about his situation and to argue with his friends who’ve come to offer their support. As a matter of fact, he even gets to the point where he says this to God:

I go to bed, hoping for rest,

but you torture me

    with terrible dreams.

I’d rather choke to death

    than live in this body.

Leave me alone and let me die;

    my life has no meaning. [Job 7:13-16, CEV]

Now I don’t know about y’all, but this doesn’t sound all that patient to me. And so, maybe with Job, instead of having a patient example we can follow, we’ve got an impatient brother with whom we can identify. 

And so, with that in mind, we’re going to spend a little bit of time thinking about patience. And as we’ve done before, we’re going to answer three questions. First, what does the Bible say about patience? And then, second, why is patience important for healthy relationships? And then, third, how might we become more patient? And don’t worry, I’m going to start right now so none of us will have to wait. 

And I’ll tell you, I think that’s an excellent way to start, because, in my opinion, waiting is really what patience is all about. You see, it’s about waiting for your wife to get ready before you go to a party and it’s about waiting for your husband to do something about the toaster that hasn’t worked for weeks and it’s about waiting for the kids to stop messing with their phone and to start doing their homework and cleaning their room. You see, patience is about waiting, but that’s not all. It’s also about waiting without rolling your eyes or making a snide comment or laying down the law. In other words, I believe patience is actually about being loving and kind as we wait. And you know, I think that’s what the Apostle Paul had in mind when he wrote this to the Colossians:

God loves you and has chosen you as his own special people. So be gentle, kind, humble, meek, and patient. Put up with each other, and forgive anyone who does you wrong, just as Christ has forgiven you. Love is more important than anything else. It is what ties everything completely together. [Colossians 3:12-14, CEV]

You see, according to Paul, being patient is very similar to being gentle and kind, humble and meek. It involves putting up with each other even though there’s a part of us that wants to put them down and forgiving them in the same way Christ has forgiven us. I mean, when you get right down to it, it’s really about waiting with the kind of love that ties everything together. Now, I think that’s exactly what the Bible has to say about patience.

And as to why it’s important for healthy relationships, well, I think we can break its importance into three parts, with each part having its own focus. For example, I think patience is important for God. As a matter of fact, in a very real way, it’s actually a gift that we’ve been given. In other words, we’re able to wait with love and kindness and compassion, because, through his Spirit, God has given us the ability, and I’m talking about the ability to endure the challenges that we all have to face and to understand the flaws that other folks might have and to respond with kindness rather than anger when we end up being late to the party or when the toaster continues to gather dust or when TikTok is still obviously more important an unmade bed or a list of spelling words. You see, God actually gives us the ability to be patient, and I’ll tell you, that’s why I think Paul included patience among his Fruits of the Spirit. Just listen.

God’s Spirit makes us loving, happy, peaceful, patient, kind, good, faithful, gentle, and self-controlled. There is no law against behaving in any of these ways. And because we belong to Christ Jesus, we have killed our selfish feelings and desires. God’s Spirit has given us life, and so we should follow the Spirit. But don’t be conceited or make others jealous by claiming to be better than they are. [Galatians 5:22-26, CEV]

You see, first, our patience is important for God.

But you know, I think it should also be important for us as we live in relationship with others.  You see, when we choose to be loving and kind regardless of the situation, I mean, when we choose to keep our irritation and disappointment and frustration in check and when we choose to still be positive and engaged and encouraging even though we might have every reason to be annoyed, aggregated and peeved, I think we’re doing exactly what God wants us to do and to be. And you know, I believe that may be the reason Paul offered patience as the very first characteristic of love. Just listen to what he wrote to the Corinthians: 

Love is patient and kind,

never jealous, boastful,

proud, or rude.

Love isn’t selfish

    or quick tempered.

It doesn’t keep a record

    of wrongs that others do.

Love rejoices in the truth,

    but not in evil.

Love is always supportive,

loyal, hopeful,

    and trusting.

Love never fails! [1 Corinthians 13:4-8a, CEV]

I’ll tell you, second, I think patience should be really important for us.

But, as it relates to our relationships, I think patience can be absolutely crucial for others. You see, when I’m patient, I’m giving the people around me the opportunity to act, you know, to do what they know is right or to fulfill a commitment that they’ve made. I mean, think about the examples I gave just a little while ago. If, on one hand, a husband starts pointing at his watch as his wife finishes up her make-up or if a wife picks up a screwdriver to fix the toaster herself or if a parent starts nagging and yelling and threatening right away, then that woman and that man and those children no longer have the chance to do what they know is right on their own. But if, on the other hand, the encouragement is a little kinder and a little less harsh, not only might the job get done, the one doing it just might feel a little more satisfaction in having it done. And you know, I think showing this kind of patience lies behind these words of Jesus Christ:

If one of my followers sins against you, go and point out what was wrong. But do it in private, just between the two of you. If that person listens, you have won back a follower. But if that one refuses to listen, take along one or two others. The Scriptures teach that every complaint must be proven true by two or more witnesses. If the follower refuses to listen to them, report the matter to the church. Anyone who refuses to listen to the church must be treated like an unbeliever or a tax collector. [Matthew 18:15-17, CEV]

You see, not only is patience a big deal for God and for us, I think it’s also crucial for others with whom we have relationships. And for me, that’s why it’s important.

And so now we’re left with question number three: how? How can we be more patient with our spouses and children and in our congregation and community? In other words, how can we strengthen our relationships through our patience. And as I’ve said before, even though there are all kinds of excellent ideas and strategies out there, in my opinion, it all comes down to three decisions that we can make if we’re serious about being more patient. And let me briefly share with you what they are.

You see, first, we can decide to wait. I mean, we can decide that, in the face of some problem or difficulty, we’re not going to jump in with guns blazing as soon as we have the opportunity, although that might be the easiest and maybe the most satisfying thing to do. Instead, we’re going to take a half step back with our eyes wide open, just waiting to see if the situation improves or even resolves itself without our permission or help. It’s sort of like the American writer Arnold H. Glasow once said, “The key to everything is patience. You get the chicken by hatching the egg, not by smashing it.” And you know, I think that’s what James was getting at when he wrote this in his letter:

My friends, be patient until the Lord returns. Think of farmers who wait patiently for the autumn and spring rains to make their valuable crops grow. Be patient like those farmers and don’t give up. The Lord will soon be here! Don’t grumble about each other or you will be judged, and the judge is right outside the door. [James 5:7-9, CEV]

You see, if we’re serious about patience, we can decide to wait.

But that’s not all, because we can also decide to trust, and I’m talking about trusting both God and the other person. Of course, I understand that, when you’re talking about people, trust isn’t always easy. As a matter of fact, based on their history, it may be virtually impossible. Still, if we want to be in a healthy relationship with someone else, it may be worth the effort. I mean, without trust, how can we possibly wait with anything close to a positive attitude? And yet, if we decide to trust, if we decide to believe what we’ve been told and to accept that both their words and intentions are true and sincere, then we just might be able to feel genuine hope when things are progressing but also to give them the benefit of the doubt when they’re not. In a real way, it’s deciding to adopt the same kind of attitude toward our friends and family, our congregation and community that the writer of the Proverbs told us to have as we approach God:

With all your heart

you must trust the Lord

    and not your own judgment.

Always let him lead you,

and he will clear the road

    for you to follow.

Don’t ever think that you

    are wise enough,

but respect the Lord

    and stay away from evil.

This will make you healthy,

    and you will feel strong. [Proverbs 3:5-8, CEV]

You see, along with waiting, we can also decide to trust.

And finally, if we want our relationships to be as healthy as they can be, we can also decide to live. In other words, while we’re waiting and trusting, we can get ourselves up and start doing what God has called us to do. And frankly, I think that’s really important for us to remember, because often when we’re patiently waiting and trusting, that’s really all we end up doing. But you know, doing nothing else, man, I don’t think that helps us at all, because the more we wait without seeing the results we want or expect, the more difficult it is to trust, much less to hope. You see, when we just sit there like a lump, our waiting and our trusting can actually undermine our patience. And for that reason, I think it’s important to get up and to start living, you know, doing the sort of things God has called us to do while we wait and trust. And let’s face it, nothing makes time pass faster than staying busy. And you know, maybe that’s what Paul was thinking when he wrote this to the Romans:

Be sincere in your love for others. Hate everything that is evil and hold tight to everything that is good. Love each other as brothers and sisters and honor others more than you do yourself. Never give up. Eagerly follow the Holy Spirit and serve the Lord. Let your hope make you glad. Be patient in time of trouble and never stop praying. Take care of God’s needy people and welcome strangers into your home. [Romans 12:9-13, CEV]

If we want our patience to grow, we really need to decide that we’re going to live.

Now do you remember how we talked about Job just a little while ago, you know, how, even though we talk about how patient he was, based on his actions, he really didn’t seem patient at all? Well, in the end, God answers Job, sort of; therefore, his relationship with God was healed. But as to his friends with whom he argued, well, there’s really no indication that their relationship went back to the way it was. I guess a little bit of patience can go a long way. 

Of course, we actually know a little more than Job. I mean, we know that patience is really about waiting with love and kindness and compassion. And we know that patience is important for God and for us and for those around us. And for that reason, right here and now, we can decide to wait and to trust and to live. You see, this we can do. And if we do, I think we’ll also discover that patience really is another key to healthy relationships.